August 25, 2003. 12:10 in the mid-night.
Everybody Loves a Kat Fight
Saturday morning around 5 in the morning I woke up to what sounded much like children squealing with glee out on my street. Odd as this might sound to you, dear reader, it did not seem wholly outside the realm of possibility to yours truly (even at 5 in the morning). Yes, there have been times in the past when the kids who live in the apartment building across the street have been screaming and yelling out in the street as late as midnight. Don't ask me where their parents were, but these kids were seriously running out in the street in traffic and shit. Some of them are like five years old! So when I woke up I thought a couple of them were out there doing something or other. I didn't really care -- like I said, it was 5AM.
Of course, though, it then occurred to me that it wasn't actually human children outside my window but hideously deformed demon children who would steal my soul while melting my face off like in Raiders of the Lost Ark if I went to my window and looked upon them frolicking on San Vicente Blvd. Thankfully I had my wits about me and stayed in bed, resisting curiosity and ultimately allowing me to continue my life with my most precious of life essences! The squealing continued for a minute or two, until I heard a car start up. Good, I thought to myself, The demon children's ride home is here and they'll leave me alone. The car pulled out of its parking spot and as it drove away it honked! As if to say, Bye Jeff, sorry we couldn't suck your soul through your eye sockets like we wanted.
But that wasn't the end of the fun. Because it wasn't demon children frolicking in the street. Oh no, it was much better than that. Soon after the car drove off, the sounds of a good ol' cat fight roared -- or shoud I say REERED to life! Actual cats! Fighting! I could not miss this so I went to my window to watch. It was crazy. For a good thirty seconds all I could see was a mass of fur tumbling around and around like in old cartoons where there's a cloud of smoke moving back and forth but you can't see who's actually fighting. I honestly couldn't make out one cat from the other, it was all just one rotating ball of fur and screeches. Eventually the brawl settled down for me to see who was involved. One of them was a petite orange cat that I'd seen outside the living room window before (Yoshi was yelling at it in the "I'd fuck you up if it weren't for this pane of glass motherfuk3r!!!" cat-type of way) and the other was a big fat white cat that had apparently lost the fight, judging by the numerous tufts of white fur that littered the battlefield/driveway.
During the fight, Claire hopped up on my desk stood beside me to watch the festivities. Apparently, she got really turned on by all the hoopla because she started making the low groaning noise that she makes when Yoshi attacks her. I went out to the dining room to see if I could get a better vantage point of the carnage and there was Yoshi, calmly sitting on the windowsill taking in the show. So after the real good fighting ended, the two feline gladiators laid on their sides, facing each other, with their legs outstretched so that they had a leg-length between them. Eventually the orange cat slowly got up and walked away, and when it was safely at a distance the white fatty got up and walked away too. All in all, a great event.
In the morning, it became apparent that Yoshi was really turned on by the rumble too because there were lots and lots of clumps of Claire hair under and around the dining room table.
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